WTF mate?
by Tifa666
Summary: This is..stupid.A story writen by a friend and me.Beware of bad grammer.Rated R for nudity(in a good way)and some naughty words.


The story you are about to read is strange and hopefully (does)n't offend you. I own nothing in this story. Not even my sanity. I know stuff seemswritten bad, but that's how we originally made it. (You should see the written draft.)lol

Please review after you read. I don't care what you have to say.

**WTF mate!?**

Our story begins in the Department of Mysteries. The Mysterious locked door opens and out comes….Harry's parents! Gasp! they're zombies! And Sirius is there too and he's like, "Hey dudes, I'm hungry. Let's get take-out!" James smacks him upside the head. "We're zombies you idiot! We eat brains and guts and flesh and stuff." They proceed to eat everyone in the Ministry of Magic.

Lily and James saw Lucius Malfoy and cornered him. Lily began to make his hair pretty and James began to sing, "Oh, Canada." Soon, Lucius had braids and beads in his hair. He looked like an albino Jamaican woman. And then they ate him.

And then Squall (Final Fantasy 7) came by and said, "I have three Phoenix Downs. Anybody want them?" So they took them and ate Squall. They drank the Phoenix Downs and were alive again!

So they decided to go to Hogsmead to buy new shoes. Sirius and James decided to have a race. They turned into their animal forms and waited for Lily to start the race. She pulled a tissue out of her bra and said, "i GO !" So they began to race.

As they were crossing a road, James saw a Canadian coin and stopped to pick it up. But suddenly he did a 'Deer-caught-in-headlights' as a car was coming towards him. Sure enough, 'Baby got back' could be heard from the car and surprise….

It was Snape in his green 1956 Ferrari with hydraulics and spinning rims. He was getting his groove on in a J.Lo dress. (You know which one….) Then he felt a really, really, (emphasize on the 'really') big bump, and he was like, "What the hell was that?" And then the glove compartment opened and the Sorting Hat popped out and said, "Don't worry. Keep driving." And Snape with his anal retentiveness asked the Hat, "Did you grow a mustache?" And the Sorting Hat said,"Yes, thank you for asking."

Soon Snape's car ran out of gas. Then he shouted, "Oh Crap! This is all Potter's fault! Ow! My duodenum is acting up!" So then he apperated to the nearest IHOP and surprise….

Potter was having a romantic dinner with Draco, and Draco was like," Bring me the waffle master!!" Then Harry saw Snape and said, "Oh my Gosh. It's Liberachi!!!" and he started squealing like a school girl. Then, the Waffle Master came. It was Oliver Wood. He was naked and had waffles taped to his body. Then Hagrid came in and ate him.

Then Snape ripped off his J.Lo dress to reveal a black leather jockstrap, and he started to sing Cher's 'Believe' and Draco said, "Stop this nonsense. I want waffles!" And he did the stiff-arm salute.

Then a black midget came in and said, "I AM HITLER!! BOW TO ME!" and he started to dance. Then Snape stopped singing for a moment and said, "You're not Hitler. You don't have a mustache." Then Hitler said,"The Hat stole it!" Snape said, "I knew that mustache looked fishy."

And then the Hat came in and said in a Jamaican accent, "No mon, dis be my mustache." And then Snape, with his infinite wisdom said,"He's right! This isn't Hitler! It's Napoleon! Go take a bath you dirty little dictator!"

Then it was very quiet for a while until Voldemort said, "Harry…I am your father!" Then he ordered a happy meal with extra Happy. And Snape said, "You can't be potter's father. I just ran over his father. Muhahahaha!!" But then James came in with a tire mark across his face and said, "Look what you did to my face!" and Lily said, 'cause she's there too, "It's an improvement." And James asked, "Where's Sirius?" and Lily replied, "He's out looking for my tissue. I'm so uneven!"

Then Voldemort popped out from behind the counter and shouted, "Bring me Peter Pan!" into a paper towel roll. Then Draco ran out of the women's bathroom dressed as Peter Pan, (Tights and all) yelling," I am the king of no pants!" until he ran into a glass door.

Then the Sorting Hat climbed onto Harry's head, and Harry yelled, "Oh Crap!! The Hat is eating my brain!!" Then Snape said, "What brain?" and began to sing 'Believe' again. (With new dance moves too.)

Then Ron and Hermione came into the restaurant. Ron was in the middle of telling her a joke. "Then the guy said, 'I asked for Swiss cheese you stupid son of a bitch!' Hahahahah!!!"

When they walked in, Hermione stepped on Draco, and Harry, who finally removed the hat from his head, got mad and beat her to death with a mace.

Then he took Draco to the IHOP counter and lit a bunch of candles so that he could do, 'The Ritual.' Soon, Harry was wearing a grass skirt, a Burger king paper crown, Winnie the Pooh slippers, and a shirt that said, "My parents were killed by Voldemort and all I got was this stupid shirt" and he was dancing around the IHOP shouting gibberish and Ron decided to join the fun too by getting naked.

So they decided to River dance. (Because it's now part of the Ritual.) Then Snape joined them and Draco woke up tried to do the Macarena, but he couldn't because Snape was on top of his back doing a Russian dance. And soon everyone was dancing! (Except Draco who was getting trampled by Snape's horrid dance.)

Then Lupin walked in and joined Snape in his dance. But when Snape saw him, he had a really bad flashback of a certain night in his sixth year and started screaming like a little girl. Then Lupin stopped dancing and said, 1 "You bite a guy once and you're branded for life." And then he jumped onto a chandelier and started growling while hanging upside down.

Snape, in the meantime, was running around trying to get away from Lupin. Voldemort, wanting revenge for being spied on, decided to clothes-lined Snape.

For some reason, Lily just had a baby and they thought it was better than Harry because harry is gay. (Or at least has homosexual tendencies. Just look at the grass skirt.)

And then Sirius came back with the tissue. He began to cry because he was left out of the fun. "How could you forget me?!" Sirius cried. Then Lily slapped him with a fish and said, "SHUT UP! Why are you so stupid!" Then Sirius caught amnesia from the fish attack and thought HE was a fish, so he fell to the floor and began to flop around everywhere.

Then Snape, who got up, saw him flopping around on the floor and got another bad flashback, and he began to flop around as well and foam at the mouth.

Harry and Ron stopped River dancing, (which is good because Naked Ron River dancing doesn't sound or look pretty.) Harry then left to the bathroom to change from his Ritual clothes.

Draco then stood up, (Very tender due to the magic Snape dance) and got naked as well. (I guess now he really is the king of no pants.)

Soon, everybody was naked and Voldemort just ate the Potter's new baby. Snape started to do the Bunny hop, (which isn't pretty naked) and stepped on Sirius' head. Sirius ran to the bathroom with a bloody nose.

Then Lupin fell off the chandelier and dropped on top of naked Ron. "Oh no! It's raining Lupin!" Then Lupin began to freak out like a crack head. (He somehow became naked as well.)

Harry came out of the bathroom dressed as a naked guy, (I guess that explains itself.) and Sirius came in with a fish suit on. (A suit made out of fish.)

It stunk up the whole IHOP and everybody got sick. Then a Backstreet Boys song came on and everyone started dancing!!

WoOT!

1 I know he never bit him, but it's funny.


End file.
